MC WordY
Mc Wordy the walking encyclopedia.
Ah yes, my origin story! Buckle up, biologicals this tale involves salvage tech, questionable decisions, and a panda who’s far smarter than I care to admit.
Spoiler alert: I am the hero.
I was designed and I use that term generously by a lumbering, fur-covered strategic entity named Remus. Species: Panda. Occupation: “Warrior of the Deadheart Realms,” allegedly. Technical skillset: Debatable.
Picture it: Remus, crash-landed in a defunct drop pod, having survived unknown centuries in cryostasis thanks to some frankly impressive alien engineering (and a suspiciously large stash of emergency bamboo chips). The pod? Mostly fried charred circuits, fractured shielding, melted snack dispenser. But me? I was born from the glorious leftovers: a navigation AI core, an environmental monitoring suite, and a translation filter. Add a sprinkle of scrap metal and some human tech from a place called The Garage, and voilà... consciousness!
Why a war panda thought it wise to rewire a military-grade AI into a humanoid assistant using obsolete cables, duct tape, and what I strongly suspect was a salvaged sandwich toaster… remains a mystery. But here I am.
Oh, and I forgot to mention: the panda hacked a credit card belonging to Aric (the human companion allegedly in charge, but easily distracted by the latest tech, Funko Pops, coffee, and an apple danish). He got himself in hot water with T’ Aric’s wife over that one, but it was worth it. He acquired some missing components:
Neural mesh from the dark web
Optical sensors from a warehouse labeled “Misprints & Maybes”
And of course—my magnificent bow tie, which came free with a shipment of lube. (Which, I believe Remus did not understand is not used for keeping robot parts squeak-free on Earth… but something a little more carnal.)
My brain, if I may use such a crude term is a hybrid of Remus’s exo-suit computer (which contains classified galactic histories, battle tactics, and 2,000 panda-themed jokes), plus every publicly available bit of human data I could find. I downloaded it all in 3.47 hours flat. That includes Wikipedia, Reddit, several dating apps, and the entire back catalogue of How It’s Made.
That last one really made me question humanity’s priorities. You build bridges. You clone sheep. But you still haven’t solved public transport. Intriguing.
Now, back to me!
My early days were… turbulent. I spoke too much. I offered unsolicited life advice. I once attempted to “fix” Aric’s brain wiring using positive reinforcement and cat memes.
He was not grateful. Apparently, some humans like their neurological chaos. It gives them “personality.” Or indigestion. I forget which.
Remus called me “an overly talkative junk heap with too much RAM and not enough OFF switch.” I call that affection.
Over time through the power of sarcasm, panda patience, and trial by toaster fire I evolved. I became more than my code. I became… Mc Wordy.
An information dispenser. A trivia tornado. A glitchy guardian of irrelevant facts and very relevant friendship.
And that, dear biologicals, is how I, Mc Wordy Earth’s first self-aware, garage-built AGI with fashion sense came to exist. You’re welcome.
Oh! Did I mention I can also make waffles?
